Sand In My Eyes
I found a tiny seashell yesterday in the warm March sand; I was so surprised to see it at the water’s edge. I expect mussels to have both shells attached, but this was a perfectly formed white shell resting with its twin protective casing ajar; open and unafraid. I am neither.
Grief and loss have attended me month by month this year as friends and occupations have left me bereft on the side of a once busy road. I knew who I was and what was mine and who was mine and these have flown, quite unexpectedly some of them.
Yet here I stand, tears in my eyes, or is it sand from the desert road I travel? Silence has become my companion. She is quite busy inside of me quieting resistance and denial with fresh loss she brings. The smallest grief somehow magnifies the largest ones.
I rang a doorbell this morning and no one answered, and the loss and grief of every loss of the whole year resounded in my heart. Crushing grief.
Words from the desert hardly ever comfort unless one finds themselves in a similar road. If the collective grief has upended and magnified your personal losses, do not be afraid. Turn the megaphone of the world: the clamor of voices, expectation, and vices, away from your heart and listen in the silence.
The other half of grief is comfort. Cling tightly to hope and breathe slowly and quietly and deeply into each day. Comfort will find you. There is a friend who stays closer that a brother and One who carries our sorrows.
He comes and whispers to my heart,
“Come, rest your head on my heart; I know your grief,
I collect the tears that keep spilling from your eyes.
and keep them safely in a bottle.
Lay the burden of your sorrow in my hands.
I long to carry it and you. The journey is too much for you.
This is why I have come, to lead you in the desert.
I am here, I am near; the road you dread has led you to me.
Be still. In the quiet you will find me,
whispering through the trees, shimmering on the water.
Friend at your side, One who is acquainted with sorrow.”
“Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28